Very bitter sweet

Today I signed all the documents closing my dad’s probate. It has been a year since it started and it has been a very emotional and a very frustrating experience . California law wants to be sure everything is done so nothing comes back later. As much as I appreciate this law…It was very time consuming and really heartbreaking . You are constantly seeing terms like “The deceased ” and “The estate of” and having to send out death certificates . It just felt like a constant punch in the gut every time I had to deal with his stuff.

When I had to go back to California to re-home all my dad’s belongings ( I hate the term getting rid of ) it was so beyond gut wrenching. We had a garage sale and I remember seeing all of his stuff going off with strangers. People were pawing over all his stuff. It was enough to piss me off. We had to sell everything for practically nothing as we needed to empty his apartment quickly . People from all over were buying his things and I just wanted to yell at them and say “HEY! Those were my dad’s pillows so you take good care!” Or, “HEY! Those were my dad’s plates and cookware…..and toaster and and….His clothing! Hey!! Those were my dad’s shoes and socks!” Even just writing about this makes me feel like I was a bit crazed. I was. Totally .

Actually, there were several occasions when I did go up to people and tell them how much the item they were thinking of buying meant to my dad. They were very kind and considerate . I had one couple that were buying a couple pieces of my dad’s artwork say “We SO get that these were your dad’s. We were very drawn to the pieces and we will take very good care of them. You don’t need to worry.” That made me cry. Truly, I wish I could have kept more of his stuff but it just wasn’t possible . It was everything in my power not to go onto ebay and see if some of my dad’s stuff found it’s way there. I decided that would not be a good idea. I really had to learn quickly about letting go. Death is all about letting go. And it’s a brutal lesson.


My dad’s ex-girlfriend stopped by and she saw how emotional I was. She said “Just look at it like you are tucking him in for the last time”. She said to look at it like an honor to be able to re-home his stuff and that hopefully everyone will enjoy the things they buy and give it new life and energy. That did help me a lot. It really was what I needed to hear at that moment .


So today his probate ends and I now can truly begin the grieving process knowing that he is “Tucked in forever and ever.” Thank you Kim. I will always remember you telling me this and the comfort I gain in knowing it’s true.



Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

Published by Andrea

My name is Andrea and I am 57 years old. I have recently lost both my parents 7 months apart. It has rocked my world and I am trying to navigate this whole being an orphan thing. I realize I was very fortunate to have my parents for as long as I did but, losing them has changed everything for me. Grief has many shapes and that’s what I’m going to be sharing on my blog.

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