So I have heard this term used before and now it applies to me. How strange to be on this planet without either of my parents . These were the people who loved me more than anyone. Sure there are people in my life who love me but not like my mom or dad. I don’t have any children so it makes me feel very alone. Like being on a deserted island .
When I lost my dad I was wiped out. His death hit me hard. I was not prepared in any way to lose him. So that happened and then seven months later my mom died.
Now her death I was a bit more prepared for because she had lung cancer. She didn’t actually die from lung cancer…..She ended up dying from a brain hemorrhage which in some ways I was grateful for because she didn’t have to suffer the end stages of lung cancer. The point is I knew our time was limited .
From the moment she was diagnosed I made a very conscious effort to make every moment count. We had a beautiful three and a half years. When I was in her presence I would tell myself to soak it all in. Just look at her, watch her, video her and take photos, touch her, hug her, and tell her you love her as often as possible .
It brings me comfort to know I did all those things. Somedays I can’t bring myself to look at any of the videos or photos because it hurts so much and then other days I can’t get enough. I’ll look at a video over and over or a photo for minutes on end. It’s strange. But, grief is very strange. This I have discovered and want to go into more in another post.
I feel very blessed that I had my parents for as long as I did. I feel bad using the term Orphan because I know there are so many people who never did have a set of parents to grow up with. That’s not lost on me. But, having parents who have been in my life for 57 years and are now gone is just really hard. I was very close to both of them and my heart is broken. I know we are suppose to survive our parents but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck when they leave us. My parents were such characters I thought they would live forever . I truly did.