Lost my memory. Not even kidding. I forgot just everything. From people’s names to where I left things to what I said three minutes….no three seconds previously in a conversation. I found myself constantly saying “What was I saying? Where are those keys? What was your name? I had what I call “grief induced amnesia” It’s a real real thing.
I lost my patience. The smallest thing had me lose my shit! I’m not going to give a for instance’s because it’s just to embarrassing. But I had to give apologies often to friends, family and clients for having zero patience. I just could feel anger in me all the time and if something rubbed me the wrong way I would just explode.
I wanted to be alone yet hated being alone. This is the one that really screwed with me. My boyfriend was being double messaged a lot. I would tell him “I need my space and time alone….but don’t go to far away”. I didn’t want to be touched yet really needed to be held. He was very patient and understanding but I was a bit out of my mind.
I would say things and instantly wanted to take them back. I don’t know. I just had no filter. My brain lost the ability to sensor what came out of my mouth and I said things that would make no sense. Like grief induced tourettes. Thank god that didn’t last long.
There were other things that I did that were out of the norm for me but I now know that when I was in deep grief I was not my normal self. My body was being invaded by this huge monster of emotions and it took absolutely everything in me just to function.
I am now into a different set of emotions on the grief roller coaster and I am hanging on for dear life.